by Joyce...scary looking sky in Cleveland tonight. For a few moments, I just stood watching the clouds swirl about. It got colder, the wind picked up speed, and the color changed from dark grey to yellow to pink. It was hard to tell exactly what was going to happen. It was an interesting observation.
And it reminded me of what has been swirling about in my head lately. I can't fully explain it, so I'll just throw it out there. Sarah is changing. And not necessarily in the direction one might hope. Truthfully, I have been noticing it for the past few months. It's not one major thing, just little things here and there. A blank stare. The lack of response to direct questions. Confusion. Lot's of confusion actually.
Here's an example. The Friday before TJ's graduation, I decided it would be the perfect time to have the carpet cleaned in our house. The boys were already in Columbus and once Sarah and I left, the house would be void of people all weekend. On Thursday night I moved all the little things like the trash can, the desk chair, a few containers with games in Matt's room onto his bed. Sarah must have asked at least 25 times why I did that. And every time I told her the next morning the guys were coming to clean the carpet. The next morning we got up and I did the same thing in our room , TJ's room and then went into her room. She threw a fit. At first I got a little angry with her. Then I realized she was really so confused. I told her as soon as we got home from Columbus we would put them back on the floor. She sat and sobbed for at least half an hour. Then the crew came and she sat and watched them from the room with wood floors, shampoo the carpet. When they were done, she asked me if her room was still the same color. I didn't know what to think. I assured her it was the same carpet, just cleaner. She seemed OK. Then as we were backing out of the driveway, she asked me if the carpet would still be here when we got back. I assured her it would be yet it left me with a heavy feeling.
That whole weekend she kept doing things that just seemed off. When I asked her where she wanted to eat, she couldn't remember the restaurants we usually go to. So I started verbally listing them off. That usually would trigger some response followed by, "oh ya and I want a..." This time I got nothing. No response. This had me more worried.
Then we went to The Karate Kid. She held my hand the entire time. I dismissed it as her being a little frightened. There is a lot of fighting in that movie. When we came out she seemed like her old self, posing as the Karate Kid in the parking lot. The next day we went to see Letters to Juliet. As the plot began to unravel, I thought to myself, she probably does not have a clue what is going on. And then when a certain situation happened(I won't give details in case you want to see the movie) she said something out loud that blew me away. It was on a very high level of understanding. And I dismissed my worries.
Then we had an incident at the office/store. I wrote a little about it on our store blog.
This week, I saw more of the behaviors that have me a little worried. Forgetfulness, confusion. Just a general slowing of processing ability. Nothing drastic.
I forced myself to spend some time tonight searching and reading about the early onset of Alzheimer's in adults with Down syndrome. It scares me to the core. Yet, I know we are in amazing Hands. We learned a long time ago to take one day at time. And that is what we will continue to do. It may be nothing. It may be that because I am spending more time with her now that her job training program is off for the summer, I am overreacting to little things. One thing I know for certain though, a mother's worry is never done.